After yesterday's riding lesson I had a chat with the trainer. Things haven't been feeling right, I told her, and she agreed. She said that she thought that I would be more comfortable riding at level three like last term instead of four, I'm not quite ready for it.
She said that she would talk to her boss and see if I could simply be moved to the lesson after the one I'm riding now. So now I'm waiting.
At first I was really sad and felt like the worst, most pathetic, rider in the world. But then I took some time to cool down while taking care of bernard and realized that this really is for the best. Of course I can't feel like a looser, I've been riding once a week for 5 months after 7 years of vacation from training. I should be proud of how much I've gained back during that time and all the positive comments the trainers have given me.
And definitely, like marre said, it's better to be at a level where you can feel that you're making progress, instead of riding at one where you constantly feel like you're failing.