True skills

This years World Cup in show jumping has been absolutely amazing for the Swedish riders.
Last week Malin Baryard Johnsson took a second place in London.
And yesterday Henrik Von Eckermann WON and Jens Fredricson came in third making his total score 37 which equals a 5th place in the total standings and guarantees him a place in the final…!
Malin is on 11th place with 32 points
Henrik is on 25th with 20 points
Rolf-Göran is on 28th with 19 points
Wow there are amazing!!
Now we’ll have to wait until the 20th of January for the next competition.

New years food

Me and Mathias started of our last day of 2012 with a luxury seafood brunch at Urban Deli. It was absolutely impeccable!

Shrimps, mussels, lobster, crab and oysters. Yum yum yum!

We then created a three course meal for dinner; toast with crab and seafood spread, sirloin with roasted potatoes, and chocolate soufflé.

We have bought a few fireworks which will be sent to the sky at the stroke of midnight.

of 2012

Album of the year: Living things by Linkin Park
Tv-show of 2012: Parenthood
Game of 2012: My Horse (iPhone)
Performance of 2012: Sleeping Beauty, Royal Opera, Stockholm
Horse of 2012: Lutnia e:Fario u:Lancier
Travel of 2012: Calgary, Canada
Food of 2012. Sushi
Best investment of 2012: Hufvudsta Ridskola
Hardest thing of 2012: ITIL certification
Clothes of 2012: Leggins and high heels
Biggest insight of 2012: I am worth something, I am good at stuff, I deserve to be loved.
Coldest of 2012: Kwintet office
Sweetest gesture of 2012: Tomas trying to unscrew the thresholds in the office in order to be able to drive me around the office in my chair when I was suffering from lumbago.
Best colleague 2012: Thomas Soeholm.
Best product 2012: Scratch nails ridge filler
Photograph of 2012:

Pastry of 2012: My birthday cake made by Mathias

Annual review: 2012

And so the year of 2012 is coming to an end. And what a year it has been; so full of changes, development, improvements… But it has also been a year filled with hard work, as none of these things has come for free. I am both proud and happy with this year.

The year started of with my final term of my bachelor degree in systems sciences. 6 months filled with extreme work, doing both my bachelor thesis and producing a game from idea to delivery on a disk. The hard work paid of as the thesis was published and presented at a scientific fair, Mindtrek 2012.

After finishing school I stood before an abyss. My routines from 3 years were gone and I were to create a new dayily life for myself in the form of a job. Obviously I’ve had 4 fulltime jobs before, but this was different. The others were always just temporary, until I had figured out stuff and gotten my diploma. This time it was for real. I had to find a job that would make me happy, reasonably welthy, and provide a secure and stable future for many years to come. Finding this job caused me so much anguish, tears and doubt. But I never gave up, failing was not an option. And finally, and suddenly, I stood with two job offers (after 200 no’s) and with them a very important test. A test to see how much I’d learnt from the past and how much care I would take of myself. And I proved to myself that I have come a long way and made the right choise; the responsible choice. And so, on the 3d of October I started my new job. At the commercial IT department at Kwintet. And I am so happy. Getting here was worth all the torment.

This year was also the year when suddenly, the 2nd of January, all my craziness about horses suddenly came vack, hitting me like a cannon ball. I could feel it in my whole body; it was time to get a new horse. But I also knew that I couldn’t act immediately as I was still in school and therefore broke. So I was very lucky when I emailed Hufvudsta Ridskola, a stable located just 10 minutes walking distance from my appartment, and found out that they had just created a new group for grown ups early on monday mornings. Normally there is a long waitinglist in order to get a spot. It was almost like it was meant to be. After spending a year there, I look back and I see an immense development and I am very proud of myself. Riding truly is perishable and I had to bring back so much knowledge. I have also taken measures in order to get my new horse: I have a stable, I have the financial means and I have contacts… I took me green card. I am ready.

This was also the year when I decided to take my drivers license. Only so that I can drive to the stable and a horse trailer mind you, but still.

I have also gone through so much hard work when it comes to my mental health. I have worked my ass off together with Örjan and done so much progress. Once again, I can only say how much it was worth it – I feel alive again.

And most importantly; this has been a whole year together with Mathias. I am speechless as to how lucky I was to find him.

So here I stand, at the threshold to 2013. May this new year be filled with joy and love, and provide a stable life with no major changes; letting everything settle. I hope my job will be as stimulating. I hope that I find a horse very soon and that my riding will improve as much as this year and that I can start competing. I hope that Mathias and I will be able to buy our car as soon as possible and that our summer will be spent in Italy, roadtripping. And I hope that I will get my drivers license by the goal date set up. I hope that Nalle will be well enought to live another year. I hope that my mom will find more peace in her life. I hope that the people I love will be happy, healthy and have the courage to follow their dreams.

The clinic

When I looked into horse clinics near Södertörn I realized that there was an ATG-clinic located IN Södertörn. That’s just a bit too convenient 

It’s beginning to look so easy buying a horse at this stable. Which means that I’ll have to be extra careful to keep my head on straight and be critical and logical about the horses there.

Destroyes everything she touches

My mom is determined to ruin both my drivers license and my buying a horse.

It’s not enough arguing with me twice about why I should not buy a horse, in Austria she talked to Mathias about how she would try and talk me out of it. He told her to stop.

Every fucking day she tells me that I shouldn’t need this many driving lessons and that I’m being fooled and so forth. This makes me feel absolutely worhtles and useless and breakes down my confidence so bad that I’ll need 100 more lessons just because of it.

Spanish riding school, Vienna

The trip is finally booked!!

We leave on friday the 15th of March at 11:45 and land at 14.00.
On Saturday we visit the spanish riding school and see their performance.
On Sunday we go back home at 12:35, landing 14:50.

Wow, I’m soooo looking forward to this!!

New years

This new years celebration will be different from the others; Me and Mathias did not have time to plan anything special or to fix a party or anything, and nobody has invited us this year as 9 out of 10 are going abroad. So we will celebrate alone, just the two of us. We will start of with a seafood brunch at a restaurant and then create a maximum luxury 3 or 4 course dinner, and then go out and fire some rockets.

It actuallt feels kind of perfect, celebration with the most important person in my life, starting a new year together.

A collection of bedding info

Offers something to do for the horse
Quick to decompose
Takes up a lot of space when storing it
Leaves a lot of manure
Not very good for the bronchus
Doesn’t absorb well

Easy and efficient to store
Great absorption
Doesn’t smell
Creates a lot of dust
Not friendly for the environment
Freezes in the winter

Better for the bronchus than straw
Creates small amounts of manure
Easy + efficient to store
Good absorption
Doesn’t offer anything to do when the horse is bored
More expensive than straw
It gets stuck everywhere
Takes long time to decompose
Doesn’t bind-together to create nice bedding

Straw pellets
Makes okay bedding
Easy to clean
Not cozy
Some versions creates a lot of dust
Some versions smell bad
Gets stuck on the horse


The owner of Södertörn Ryttarcenter just emailed me back and invited me over to take a look at all his horses. He said he was sure that he could help me find what I was looking for.

Oh the joy!!


Just sent an email to Södertörns Ryttarcenter asking them to contact me regarding their horses for sale.

Fingers crossed!

What I brought home from Salzburg

Returning a gift

Since Mathias and Marre gave me the same jewellry box for christmas one of the had to be returned. So I walked in with a jewellry box and came out with 2 paris of earrings, 1 necklace and 1 piercing. sooo cute!

Btw this is the first time in my life I’ve returned a gift.

It’s a little bit funny; this feeling inside

I have been suffering from anguish these last few days; feeling like I’m so poor and broke and that I can’t live of my salary.

Then I realized that I had put 15.000 towards a horse, 1000 towards my other savings and bought food and paid rent and all the other stuff. Haha. That’s kind of a lot. ^^


I’m on my way to my first 80 minutes driving lesson. I hope that we will be able to train on parking and rearing today since the snow has finally melted a bit. We’ll be driving in Spånga today.
It’s also time to buy a more lessons, expensive! That god my mom gave me the license as a birthday present!
I have made a study schedule for the theoretical part but it fell short the very first day due to my food poisoning in Austria. So I’m a week behind. But that’s not a problem, I will read today and tomorrow.



I don’t know what to say actually. I’m so proud beyond words of myself.

Today was my last group lesson at Hufvudsta. I was a bit disappointed when I saw that I were to ride Tori; a very aggressive horse who is seen as impossible to ride. But I decided to do my absolute best, remembering how much I’ve learn and my skills grown.

And did I exceed every expectation? Oh yes. I rode Tori extremely well, I can’t even believe it. Neither could my trainer, or the people watching. I got so much praise! The girl who were to ride him after me said that she was so impressed, that I should be very, very proud of myself and that she had never seen anyone ride him so well. My trainer had no words but to say that I looked very good and that my riding has improved immensely during this term.

I am so proud of myself. Damn I’m good, I can ride very well.

Also, this feels like a “fuck you very much” to all those who have been riding for a year or two at a riding school and thinks that they can ride at my level, and to those who thinks that I won’t be able to handle a horse of my own. I have 17 years of experience assholes ! Compare that to yourself….

Christmas presents…

… For me from Mathias, from me to me, from me to Mathias. <3

Salzburg day 5 – 27 December

Today was the day to do two things: shop and go home.
We went shopping for 5 hours, I bough a skirt, shoes and a new friend (tradition, I buy one every time I travel.) and Mathias bought a shirt. pics will come.

The way home felt very long and torturous. I still weren’t completely normal again from the illness and quite week, specially after so many hours spent browsing in stores.

Home sweet home. From 10 degrees plus and not a snowflake in sight to the normal cold and wet Stockholm.

It’s good to be home.

Salzburg day 4 – 26 December

A day to spend at our own wish. Since I had missed all the tours and stuff on Christmas Eve, mom and Mathias took me to see the sites in Salzburg which I had missed. It was a lovely day, but since it was a Holliday all shops were closed. But it did not matter; we went into Mozarts house, explored the old town, ate Sacher Torte at the Sacher Hotel, had lunch at the oldest restaurant in Europe…

In the afternoon it was time to meet the group again; we were to go to the very old castle at the top of Salzburg and enjoy dinner and a concert with classical music. <3

Salzburg day 3 – 25 December

Still very ill, but able to stand without the whole room spinning, I decide that I want to come along on today’s trip. We are supposed to visit three villages up in the mountains.
It was very pretty, but I was way too weak to enjoy it. I had to pause and sit down every other minute and I could not participate in any meals. But I am glad I came along, it was beautiful.

In the first village mom and I entered a hotel and asked for two pieces of dry toast, just to give my stomach something safe to work with since it had been 36 hours since I had last eaten.

Salzburg day 2 – 24 December

01:00 I wake up. Start throwing up and having diarrhea.
08:00 still throwing up and having diarrhea, now with a bad fever accompanying it.
09:30 everyone leave for the day trip. I lie in bed, high fever, no water or food whatsoever anywhere in my system. I think I’m going to die.
13:00 mom and Mathias comes back early, worried about me. I am so sick I can hardly talk to them.
19:00 time for Christmas dinner. I have no memories from the day. Of course I was unable to attend dinner.
21:00 falling asleep again. During the whole day I only left the hotel bed three times, to visit the bathroom.

Salzburg day 1 – 23 December

The first day is traditionally a day of travel; this was the case this time as well. But thanks to an early start we managed to get half a day in Salzburg.

04:30 the alarm rings
05:00 we are out the door
06:00 we arrive at arlanda
07:55 the plane leaves for Munchen
10:05 we land
15:00 we arrive in Salzburg, drop the bags at the hotel and leaves on a guided tour of the old town. Amazingly beautiful and cozy, a lovely city!
18:30 welcome cocktail
19:00 welcome dinner
21:00 sleep!!

Swedish December

It’s here it’s here!

Just got a text, my package from Hööks is waiting for me 
Merry Christmas myself!!


The stuff I ordered from Hööks is already sorted in Stockholm. I think I’ll get it today, Yey!

They said that if I ordered before the 20th I would have it before Christmas, and I think they’ll make it!

Last day

Today is the last day befor the holidays 
 after today I will be free until the 2nd of January. (Except for the 28th when I’m on call in case of emergency)

I feel like I really need some time off, it’s been really tough starting a new job where I was just thrown in to a crisis and an overwhelming workload. But I have really enjoyed myself, but it sure is exhausting.

Now that I’m beginning to get the hang of everything it will be great with a rest and then come back full of energy!

Christmas presents!

I can’t wait for tomorrow!!! I want to open my presents NOW!!!
Sat by the tree this morning, touching the presents…. Shaking them… My god I want them.

Lucky for me Christmas is coming early tomorrow instead of the 24th as we will leave for Austria on Sunday.

Pay day

Yeeeey I’ve got money again!

Horse money:
12.000 is on the buy-horse account
2500 will pay the equipment I bought from Hööks.
500 will pay for the stuff on my list which weren’t from Hööks and that I’ll pick up in other stores today.

Living expenses:
Are all paid. Rent, Internet, phone, etc…
The food account is full again.

General saving:
Put some away here too 

I still have about 5000 SEK to spend on whatever, just fun and unnecessary stuff if I want to. Or to save some more, or to, well, whatever.


Panic struck me like lightning.

I was looking at horses and sales stables and reading up about them as I went, and everyone was crooked, false, not to trust, mangled horses…

I panicked. How will I ever find a horse in this environment?
Tears began to burn in my eyes, anguish shook me.

Talked to Mathias and Marre on the phone which helped. And then I talked to Petra at Hufvudsta and she said that I should talk to the owner, Davina, who handles all the horse buying and has lots of good trustworthy contacts. I will email her first thing today.

And then I also remembered, that is doesn’t matter what or who in the world you are looking up, there will always be people trashing it. And I’ll just have to make me own judgement.


In two weeks I will no longer be a student at Hufvudsta Riding school. I gave up my spot on my way home from work.


The walk of doom

When I get home from work today I’ll have to go down to the stables and give up my space…. It feels terrifying, everything is becoming so real. I’ve got a place at a stable, I’ve bought a lot of the stuff, I’m saying goodbye to the lessons at Hufvudsta… Dear god I’m buying a horse, for real!

I will truly miss riding some of the horses, and I can’t even stand the thought of not riding Lutnia any more. I know I can always (and will) go down there any time, but will I have the time? And will I be able to ride Lutnia for Mimmie even thought I’m no longer a student there? Will I render it necessary?

Soonburg Salzburg

I can’t believe it, at this time in three days I’ll be on the plane towards Austria. I’ll have to start writing a packing list! (And for some reason, writing these lists is as good fun as the trip itself for me)

Driving one of your cars

I truly am a morning person. 7 am driving lessons are the absolute best for me, I’m awake, alert and make the best progress.
Both the theoretical and practical test have been booked. I won’t say when because I don’t want the pressure and nervousness which comes with any anyone knowing.
When I get home tonight I will make a detailed study plan for the theoretical stuff.

Gear up

Mom got her wish. When I met her she at 5.30 she had already been looking at jackets and shoes for 4 hours… And she had written a note with suggestions. So I just tagged along as she took me on a tour by all the jackets and shoes she wanted me to try.

It was lucky that she did this, because the stores close at 7, giving us only 1,5 hours. And here I am with great (and warm) new stuff;
- fjällräven parka, 5500 SEK from Ahlewalds.
- Rieker boots, 1900 SEK from Nilsson

They look great, feel great and I’m happy. Thanks mom!

Meeting mom

For some reason my mother has decided that I promptly need a new and warmer winter jacket. So we’ll meet up in the city center in a few minutes and go shopping.
And suddenly she also mentioned that I need new shoes, which Mathias wa very quick to second… Just because I like nice shoes and don’t want to walk in hiking boots. ^^

An evening with Elin…

… was supposed to take place yesterday.

Instead I found myself standing outside in the snowstorm and blistering cold for 50 minuter waiting for the bus. Then there was a lot of traffic… So I came home so late that there really wasn’t  time for Elin to come over.

Thank you, SL. I love the fact that I’m paying 800 SEK a month for your amazing services.

Time to do some serious shopping.

Still to go are the things that requires me to know the size of my horse before ordering;

- Indoor/outdooe blanket
- Bridle
- Saddle
- Boots
- Pad

Richie rich

I just got my salary specification, and my hopes have come thru; I’ll get paid on Friday along with the rest of Sweden, even though I’m working for Bravura for a few more months. Yey!!

I’ll have loooots of money for a few hours, then I will put away 65% of it towards the horse <3

The joy of giving

Today mom and I had lunch, so I took the chance to give her all her Christmas presents, since I cannot carry that stuff to Salzburg. She was so very happy.
I love giving presents! It’s just as good at getting them yourself.


Wow, I can really feel it drawing closer… A new horse…

Since I’m not allowed to use straw in the stables I’ll have to decide what to use instead. Karolina stood on chips which was okay, the horses at Hufvudsta stands on peat which is also okay but it is sooo dark an gloomy and the stable is already extremely dark and boarded up so I don’t really want to use it.

I’m starting to look into a new kind of bedding called straw pellets which is supposed to be a revolution. It’s light, bright, long lasting and on top of it all it’s cheap. The more I read about it the more people I find who loves it. I’ll just double check with Yvonne to see if it’s okay, and of course do some more research before I make my mind up.

I will of course post my knowledge about the different kinds of bedding.


Finally, I got to do some Christmas baking today. 
Yum yum yum!

Early bird

It’s ten to eight on a Sunday morning. I’m just about to arrive at Spånga where I’m going to have a driving lesson.


I live at the station with Sweden longest escalator. Wow, imagine walking these steps twice a day…

Checking the finances. Again.

It is done

I was suffering so badly from anxiety about having to tell my mother about me having a place in a stable and planning to buy a horse soon that I was almost crying when I found out that I also have to buy 20 more driving lessons (which she is actually paying for as she gave me my driers license for my birthday). So when she called me to talk about something which I don’t even remember anymore, I just decided that I had to do it, straight away, I had to tell her now!!

So I did.

And I wasn’t as bad as I had thought, but I sure wasn’t funny. She has made me so terrified that I am still trembling. What if she is right? What if I don’t make it? What if I can’t afford it? What if I don’t know enough?

I must remember and keep telling myself what I told her: I will not go through life and not following my dreams because I’m afraid.

Jumping with Ravell

Today I had my last jumping lesson at Hufvudsta. It went very well, I rode Ravell and he was very eager to act like a Ferrari but I manage him good. I’m pleased with myself. :) 
Mathias came with me, poor thing was so tired and he brought a thermos of coffee. He filmed some jumps, which is fun to have.


Classical theatre on Lucia

Me, Mathias, mom and a friend of hers went to the maxim theatre to see the classical A Christmas Carol. It was absolutely amazing!! Both me and Mathias had tears on our eyes. The actors (who were all English) were phenomenal, the dialogue touching, the set beautifully designed… 
A true success!

The greatest card in the world

Thank you thank you thank you my AMAZING wonderful Marre. Your Christmas card is the most amazing thing ever! Both me and Mathias LOVE it!!!!! You are the best my darling!

New issue of Equipage has landed!

New horse game app!

Time to get to work

If I want any chance of getting access of my horse money before Christmas it’s time to get moving.

For some very weird reason my mom has all the account details, which means that I’ll have to tell my mom that I’ve gotten a place in a stable and that I’m planning to start “riding to buy”.. Or I can go behind her back directly to the bank and get the money that way, since it is my money… And when she demands to know how I’ll afford a horse I’ll tell her, and she’ll be extremely upset… Did I mention that I’m 25 and moved out when I was 17…? Omg mothers…..

In any case I’ll bring Mathias as a shield.


In 7 days my christmas vacation starts. In 7 days I’ll get paid. In 8 days I’ll get my Christmas presents. In 9 days I’m going to Austria, Salzburg. In 15 days I’ll take my last group riding lesson at Hufvudsta. In 19 days my Christmas vacation is over. In 33 days I’m going to osnabruk, Germany.



And the world hasn’t been destroyed yet.
It might when we write our ITIL-exams later today. But probably not.
I wonder how the prophets will explain this.


Arrived in Malmö, two hours late due to weather, broken down computer system, wrong counted amount of bags forcing everyone to get of the plane and identify their bag, snow on the wings, snow on the runway, too little fuel in case we would be unable to land in Malmö, making a extra order of fuel necessary, more snow on the runway….

But now I’m on the bus towards the hotel. (Which had lost our booking….!)
God I’ll sleep good tonight. And fwi, the lumbago is worse again.

Weather chaos

The two flights before ours to Malmö are cancelled due to really bad weather in Malmö.
All I can do is wait and hope for the best, and be thankful that I live so very close to the airport.

First business trip – on the way

Standing at Bromma airport, waiting for Alice and Tomas. 8.10 PM we’ll land in Malmö, and tomorrow our ITIL certification will begin at 9 sharp.