Annual review: 2012

And so the year of 2012 is coming to an end. And what a year it has been; so full of changes, development, improvements… But it has also been a year filled with hard work, as none of these things has come for free. I am both proud and happy with this year.

The year started of with my final term of my bachelor degree in systems sciences. 6 months filled with extreme work, doing both my bachelor thesis and producing a game from idea to delivery on a disk. The hard work paid of as the thesis was published and presented at a scientific fair, Mindtrek 2012.

After finishing school I stood before an abyss. My routines from 3 years were gone and I were to create a new dayily life for myself in the form of a job. Obviously I’ve had 4 fulltime jobs before, but this was different. The others were always just temporary, until I had figured out stuff and gotten my diploma. This time it was for real. I had to find a job that would make me happy, reasonably welthy, and provide a secure and stable future for many years to come. Finding this job caused me so much anguish, tears and doubt. But I never gave up, failing was not an option. And finally, and suddenly, I stood with two job offers (after 200 no’s) and with them a very important test. A test to see how much I’d learnt from the past and how much care I would take of myself. And I proved to myself that I have come a long way and made the right choise; the responsible choice. And so, on the 3d of October I started my new job. At the commercial IT department at Kwintet. And I am so happy. Getting here was worth all the torment.

This year was also the year when suddenly, the 2nd of January, all my craziness about horses suddenly came vack, hitting me like a cannon ball. I could feel it in my whole body; it was time to get a new horse. But I also knew that I couldn’t act immediately as I was still in school and therefore broke. So I was very lucky when I emailed Hufvudsta Ridskola, a stable located just 10 minutes walking distance from my appartment, and found out that they had just created a new group for grown ups early on monday mornings. Normally there is a long waitinglist in order to get a spot. It was almost like it was meant to be. After spending a year there, I look back and I see an immense development and I am very proud of myself. Riding truly is perishable and I had to bring back so much knowledge. I have also taken measures in order to get my new horse: I have a stable, I have the financial means and I have contacts… I took me green card. I am ready.

This was also the year when I decided to take my drivers license. Only so that I can drive to the stable and a horse trailer mind you, but still.

I have also gone through so much hard work when it comes to my mental health. I have worked my ass off together with Örjan and done so much progress. Once again, I can only say how much it was worth it – I feel alive again.

And most importantly; this has been a whole year together with Mathias. I am speechless as to how lucky I was to find him.

So here I stand, at the threshold to 2013. May this new year be filled with joy and love, and provide a stable life with no major changes; letting everything settle. I hope my job will be as stimulating. I hope that I find a horse very soon and that my riding will improve as much as this year and that I can start competing. I hope that Mathias and I will be able to buy our car as soon as possible and that our summer will be spent in Italy, roadtripping. And I hope that I will get my drivers license by the goal date set up. I hope that Nalle will be well enought to live another year. I hope that my mom will find more peace in her life. I hope that the people I love will be happy, healthy and have the courage to follow their dreams.