Showing posts from January, 2013


I did so well on Sundays driving lesson that I treated myself to 6 new pair of clothes, among them these great jeans:

Testing some more



As usual on the weekends I’m on my way towards a driving lesson. I’m soooo sick of these! Not sure way as I’m still learning, but for some reason I feel a strong anxiety and anguish befor each and every lesson. Normally this passes once I’m in the car and have been driving for a few minutes. But beforehand it’s torture.

It’s less than a month left before my drivers test, and less than two weeks before the theoretical test. God I hope I will pass both. I will be amazing to have this over with.

When I get back home today I’ll have to look into how many lessons are left for me, I think I’ll have to buy about 10-20 more seeing as each week costs 5 lessons; 1 for the one morning I’m driving each week and 4 for the two dubbel lessons I’m taking on Saturdays and Sundays.
Alan feels confident that I’ll pass the test if I continue to drive this way until the test.

I’m already nervous like hell.

Calculations succeeded

So this was the first month that I got try really try out my budget for real. First pay without the tax deduction, which meant the first opportunity to see I I had really planned my economics correctly. And here I am; happy and satisfied to report that all bills are payed, the food account is full and the months travel expenses paid for, 10000 has gone to the horse.. And I have quite a lot of money left to have fun with. Calculations succeeded

Countdown: 2 weeks

Until the new Hööks store opens in Stockholm City. About time. But typicall when I’m just about to get my drivers license and a car so I will be able to drive out the other more remote stores.

the 25th

Payday again.

And this was the first time I didn’t count the days until today, when the pay would arrive. I realized it last night, oh, pay tomorrow.

It’s so good having a job and not studying anymore ^^

passed the test-test

tried a theoretical drivers test today. yey I passed. I hope the actual one will be like this one.

A new lead

Yesterday an unknown number called me on my cell while I was working, so I didn’t pick up. A voice mail was left. And when I listened to it at lunch it was a girl called Teresa who has her horse at Lunda. She had heard about Valle from Åsa and was wonderig if I wanted to come out and take a look at her horse whom she was thinking about selling.

I don’t know anything else but the fact that it’s a she. I didn’t have time to call her yesterday but I will today for sure

Current standings


Sorrow and pain

Valle didn’t go through the inspection yesterday. So he will not be my horse. I cried a lot and I’m still very sad today.

Waiting at the bank right now to put the money back into my account.

And I will have to start all over again, trying to find a new baby.

I can’t sleep

I’m too nervous. And all night has been spent dreaming of Valle and situations in the stable.

Last day before I have a horse again

I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. I’m…. Afraid, happy, worried, excited, nervous….

Mostly I’m exhausted because of this mix of emotions. I’ll be glad when this is all over but at the same time it’s amazing to be this close to my goal. I made this happen.

All cars

Yesterday was a day of cars.

It started out with a driving lesson which went very well!  then we spent the rest of the day looking at cars for sale. We had one car especially in mind, and it was just as good live as we had hoped. So we put our name down for them to call us when they get one of the ones we want.

So near


The Hobbit

Finally I got to see the hobbit! I liked it but I was a bit disappointed. They had destroyed bilbos and gollums characters. There was too much action and not enought talk or rest. I loved that they had brought so much details into it, and that they are making several movies. I didn’t like that the dwarves looked like regular humans.

Going to the bank

I’m on my way to the bank where I will create a check to Malin so that I can pay for Valle at the clinic if he goes through.

What Valle will eat

Morgon/dag: 1 höbal i hagen har inte vägt men 7-8 kg?
Kväll: 1L Mustangs havrefria müsli
1L Mustangs havrefria pellets
1 höbal

I will buy this at Hööks to start with, Then maybe I can find somewhere closer/cheaper etc.

My first diploma


The last day

I suddenly realized; today is the last day when I’m working without having a horse to go to after work.

The day all turned out fine

As an addition to today’s things which worked out, Marre got to borrow the car so I won’t have to rent one on Monday. And Yvonne called and said that the horse who’s stall I’ll take over has left today so there won’t be a problem to come on Monday

taking a break

I’m taking a break at work, the work load is crazy and my heart is pounding a bit too much so I need to take a moment to relax.

I spent this time looking into the rules about logos on competition clothes.

getting closer

So today I had a bit of a scare. The money wasn’t in my account. So I called the bank and got great help (god I LOVE private banking, you totally get what you pay for!) and the money is now im my account

And I’m still waiting for Malin to send me the details of Valles fodder and insurance, whch she just sent me a text saying that she’ll send over tonight. She had been swamped at work, which I know what it’s like…

I also texted Jill at the stables, making sure that my order for the shaving pellets was done, which it was. SO if I’m lucky I will have 25 sacks on Monday. And if not, Yvonne said that I could borrow from her until mine arrives.

OMG it’s Monday soon!


My driving is good and flowing, but my confidence is non-existent.

Huh. Like everything else in my life.
Dinner and a look at the photos from her trip to Thailand. Very nice!

Pretty little liar

I haven’t told mom about Valle yet. My plan is to tell her afterwards, if the inspection goes well and when he is securely in his new stall.

Maybe I’ll be a coward and send an mms with a pic?


Hööks will open at kungsgatan in a few weeks. I will be sooooo good to have one of their stores close!!

Winter once more.

The snow if pouring down.

New Pennygirl package

Yesterday a new penny girl package was waiting for me outside the door when I came home.

I’m thinking of canceling my membership, wot have time to read the books anymore once Valle is here. And to be honest, they aren’t THAT great ^^ I just love getting packages with small fun stuff in them.

My baby


Todays’ shopping

For my sweet Valle

working hard

The clinic has been booked; monday the 21st at 13.30 we’ll do the inspection. And if all goes well, Valle will be coming with me home afterwards.

The bank has been contacted. The money will be on my account on Thursday. (god I love beeing a private banking customer, they do eveything in their power to help me.)

My amazingly sweet Marre will help me on Monday morning. We’ll drive out all the stuff to the stable and prepare the stall and so on.

I’m just about to order blankets and stuff from Hööks, as I got to know all of his sizes yesterday.

I have told Yvonne about me arriving on the 21st, waiting for her final okay.

Still to do today:

- Check if it is possible to take over Valles current insurance.

- Fix an addition insurance for myself as everything concerning horses and riding is not covered in my home insurance.

- Get an SMS from Malin with a list of Valles fodder.

- Find a place that sells this fodder.

So close I can almost taste it

Yesterday’s contract signing went very well. It’s signed and everything is agrees upon.

Omg if I can get the inspection booked for this weekend Valle will be coming home to me in exactly one week, next Monday…!

I will call the clinic ASAP once I’ve reached the office an their phone hours have started and try to get the inspection booked for Saturday, Sunday or at the latest Monday.

I will then call my bank once more to try an reach my contact who will help me sell some stocks.

I will then call Åsa to let her know which date Valle and I will be arriving, as Yvonne is out of town.

I will then do some shopping as I now know all of Valles sizes.

Then, I will try to find a cheep bicycle being sold close to home which will take me to and from the bus for the first weeks until we’ll buy the car.

Oh my god I can’t relieve this is really happening!!!

the contract...

...Was signed yesterday.

I’ll get the stall from the 21st if I wish, which means that I can get Valle home earlier than originally thought. <3 we'll have to discuss this t today's contract signing.

I have also ordered a huge delivery of cutting pellets which will arrive within a few days.

And, I got a different stall than what was planned, meaning that Valle will have an amazingly big stall for only 300 SEK more a month, at a total of 4300.

Making it final

Me and Mathias is on our way to sign the contract for the stable. Yey!

Moving forward

My driving is getting better. God I hope I’ll be finished til the date of the test, otherwise we’ll have to postpone and I just don’t have the time for that.

My stable

I think I’m going to faint.

I just called tho owner and said that I wished to buy Napa Valley. We’ll sign the contract this Sunday.

My god, I can’t believe it’s really happening!

This will be my horse: (if he goes through the inspection)

The board is set, the pieces are moving.

- called the ATG veterinarian clinic and asked for prices and advice for their horse inspection and x-ray. Both will cost 6000. Only the inspection is 2500 and only the X-ray is 3500.
As I’m having trouble deciding wether I should do an X-ray or not, it’s always the hardest question, she advices me to book both and then discuss it with the vet after the inspection, what his recommendation is.

- Booked a time on Saturday with Yvonne to sign the final contract for the stable.

- calculated the amount of money I will take from my savings and found the number to my banker. Will call him tomorrow.

I think I’ve already decided that I want him. Maybe I should just call Malin and tell her…

Let it be sung around the world,

I’m in love. I’m in love, I’m in love with Napa Valley.

Yesterday went amazingly well. All of the doubts I had from the first visit disappeared and a light and a live was born.

I have asked for a few days to think it over. But right now the matter is already decided in my heart. But I will try to really se everything objectively and clearly and to make a wise decision.

Simple logic

Girl, 6 years old: “I don’t have a god father, because I wasn’t born in the church”


Had another driving lesson this morning, 7 am. Just like last time I thought I would die the whole time, as we are working with 4 way crossings and I am to do it on my own for the first time.

I just want to be finished!

Napa valley 1.2

Second time around, visiting napa valley. This time Jessical is coming along which will be great as we are familiar with others riding techniques.
I have also thought of some other stuff to ask, and I will ride without any boots to check his back legs, and I will thoroughly investigate his mouth… And so will Jessica.
It feels good to know what to expect from him this time, but I am not convinced that this is the right horse yet (when it comes to the riding part, i love his personality and how he is to handle) hopefully I’ll know after tonight.

Hon finns inte med på fotografiet

Yesterday was Marres day

As a Christmas present I’d given her a manicure and a pedicure at a salon, and then went to see a theatre together in the evening.

The play was amazing. It pierced straight into the heart, waking memories, questions and discussion.

And I realized how far I’ve gotten in the process of accepting and healing from my childhood. After years of therapy, medication and most of all hard work I think I can say that I’m over it. I chose not to let it be a part of me anymore and I feel like I’ve reached that goal. The play made me see it and it was suddenly clear. I can look upon my past with healthy eyes.

Accepting, not forgetting.

Yesterdays’ riding…

… Was kind of a bust.

The horse was beautiful, but very spoiled, I’ll-behaved and we clicked about as well as oil an water….
So I said no thank you.

I am going back to Napa Valley during the week, hopefully with Mimmie (who was busy this weekend) and ride for a second time.
Other than that it’s back to calling on ads.

Back up leading to insight

I just finished my back-up of my blog.

I started it on the 17th of April, on blogger. There I wrote 561 posts until the 24th of November when I moved here.

The back up from blogger resulted in a word document consisting of 598 pages, 42 764 words. That’s quite impressive.

But most importantly; going through all these old entries, spanning almost a year back, I realize how incredibly far I’ve come. How everything that seemd impossible, horrible and terrifying all worked out. Every single thing. I totally made it. I finished my bachelor. I got a job. I got my green card. I got a stable. I am in the process of byuing a horse. I am on my way towards my drivers license. I’ve got money.

I did it. And I am really, really proud of myself. It sure as hell did not come for free.

Learning LC:1 + LC:2


@ jakobsberg

Waiting for my 80 minutes driving lesson to begin.

Ponnyakuten season 4

One week to go!!!! Next Sunday is the premiere for the new season… <3

My god I've waited for so long for this.


Tomorrow I’m going to look at and try a new horse, called Compere. He lives 5 minutes from my stable ^^.

He seems perfect and I can’t wait! Another girl is there today and riding and I hope it goes to hell.

Dead tired

I need about 10 hours of sleep every night in order to be a functioning human being.

Wednesday night Mathias I couldn’t fall asleep. And once I did, I was way to late for me. Then, at five in the morning I was woken by Mathias who was throwing up. So, aprox 5.5 hours of sleep.

Thursday night. Home late after riding. Got into bed at 00. Up at 6.

My god I will sleep well tonight. I wasn’t always this sensitive when I comes to sleeping, I could go for days in a row.
Those day are behind me.

Answer from Högantorp

Got an answer from Högantorp today, she said she hoped she could help, they import horses from Germany. She asked me to provide her with some more information as to what I’m looking for. I wrote back, and now I’m hoping for much better news than what I received from Södertörn.

Napa Valley

Yesterday I went to take a look at the horse from the ad; Napa Valley.
He truly was an amazing horse!!! It went well riding him, but for the humiliating fall I did when we misunderstood each other before a 90 cm jump. Luckily I’m used to falling off and I don’t really care, it’s just that it felt unfortunate that it happened when ridig a horse I really like, with the owner watching. Hopefully she is not totally against me now.

The horse was the most sensitive horse I’ve ever ridden. Amazing!
I emailed my trainer and asked her if she could go with me and ride again.

Also, I was veeery lucky yesterday, as Mathias was too sick to drive me I were suppose to go by metro, train and bus which would take forever… But then my guarding angel Marre shows up with a car, after being superhero fast… So not only did my best friend accompany me, but she did so with a car, a warm car.

Rearing and gearing

I am a natural talent when it comes to rearing and parking. Too bad I’m not as good with the gears…..

More certifications

In the middle of mars, the three days before me and Mathias go to Vienna, it’s time for me, Alice and Tomas to take another trip down to Malmö, to get another certificate. This time it’s for PRINCE2.
My god these certificates are unbelievably good for my future career. The cost a total fortune so no one can ever take them alone, and here I am, my employer paying for me.
Marre, would you mind taking care of the horse 6 days instead of 3…?
Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

so it begins

I am crazy happy!
The girl from the ad just called. I will go there tomorrow night to visit and ride!! There is one other girl who is interested in the horse and who will come to look at it, but I will go there first. God I hope the owner likes me in case I want the horse, because she is very eager to send him to a good home.
Now I only need a car to take me there…

Sadness – and new hope

I found out today that the horses at Södertörn was way way way too expensive, due to their bloodlines. I could get a 5 year old which had never been sat on för 100.000 SEK as the cheapest option.

So; there goes that one.

BUT; I did call on an ad just now, and left a massage.

AND I just emailed another stable; stall Högantorp

which seem to be more in my pricerange… I hope.

Fingers crossed.