Yesterday I dreamt that Mathias broke up with me, and I woke up sweating and feeling horrible. That feeling followed me the whole day.
Tonight I dream a lot of weird stuff about my ex, I can't really describe it. I think it because I miss parts of him. But which ever the reason, I woke up with the same bad feeling inside an it's still hasn't gone away.
So, finally, the farrier should be coming out today... He called yesterday and asked to change yesterday for today, which is fine as long as he shows up. She really need new shoes now, and he only charges 900 SEK instead of 1600 like the guy I uses last time, so is rather not have to use him again. The guy, Tomas, who's coming us the farrier my trainer uses and also the one who was supposed to take care of Vasara last time, but due to a fire at his neighbors farm where he got hurt while taking care if surviving animals, that had to be cancelled.
Tomorrow at ten a girl named Helen(a?) will come to meet me and Vasara. It's my trainer Åsa who has recommended her to be my helper once a week as she is a terrific rider, so I can take one day off each week with a good conscience; knowing that Vasara is getting a good training from a good rider.
I need one day a week to be focused on Mathias, I miss him too much and really need to be with him.
Counter clockwise we tend to loose the outer shoulder a bit halfway through a smaller circle. So yesterday I focused on parry this.
We are still weaker counter clockwise, both of us are a bit stiffer in our left side. It has been better, we've trained, but since Vasara had to rest after her injury we've gone backwards a bit in this department.
Glad to report that we are getting tighter and tighter otherwise, she is really trusting me to support her while riding in a low form, which is great to see. This work has created really nice muscles on her back and back legs, which has also made the gallop a lot more balanced and sustaining.
We might have bought a new sail boat. It all depends if we can get it to Stockholm.... It's currently in Gothenburg. And since all of us are working, sailing it home is not an option unless someone takes some time off.
I really hope Mathias and Christoffer can sort it out. This is their dream boat and they managed to get 70.000 SEK of the price due to the lousy economic market, and such a chance will not come again.
When you're young, grown ups tend to judge how mature you are based on your dreams for the future.
The small boys and girls, dreaming of becoming princesses and astronauts. When you get a bit older, it's pop singers and rock stars.
Then, a few more years later, you want to fulfill yourself, most often in a creative or economic way. You dream of being a famous artist, writer or photographer. Or the Vice President of a successful company, of starting up your own sky rocketing business.
Then you start to see the way of the world, and you realize that perhaps the judgment passed on your dreams wasn't that far off. That they were based on your lacking of a realistic view on the world. On the knowledge that everyone can't make it to the top, because there are millions of struggling artists in the world, millions of power hungry and competent business men. And the realization, that most of them are so much better than you.
And then, once this has dawned on you, you start to pass these same dream based judgements onto others.
Because the truth is, it is very noble to follow your dreams, but you need to create security around you in order to survive that day you realize that it's a hopeless cause.
That's when you need your regular job, in a regular office, doing regular but hopefully interesting things, making enough money to support your dream chasing in your spare time. Never giving up, but not stopping your life from moving forward based on a far fetched dream. That, in my opinion, is when you are grown up.
I filmed 16 minutes of our ride yesterday. But when I got home and watched it the quality almost made me cry. The camera films in HD but something is definitely not correct as the movie was looking like shit. Almost like 50 cents worth of optics.
Oh well, it will have to do for now. But I was a bit upset with Mathias for buying me something he hadn't investigated first.
Movie will come tonight as I got home at 10.30 yesterday and needed to shower, eat and sleep.
I'm struggling a bit in this department. I work so very very hard everyday, working full time before going straight to the stable for 3-5 hours. That means that I'm away from home for 13-15 hours a day.
I love what I do. I really do, and I'm proud of having had the courage to go for it. But I really miss support from my friends and family.
My mom is just very weird; she started riding when she was 8 years old, and when she was 20 she was in England and having her own training stable for thoroughbreds. She worked harder than anyone can ever believe with her horses, working, and being a single mom, until he had enough of everything and have up horses about 10 years ago. For her it was all too much and to sum it up she did not treat me like a mother should.
Now I can't even mention horses to her, especially not Vasara, before she gets... Weird. She has some kind of terrible anguish built up inside her against horses. So no support there. Which is a terrible shame since she knows such a great deal about horses and she could help me so much, and also get to be part of an amazing horse. I mean, obviously she loves horses more than anything.
Dad is not in my life. But even if he was, it wouldn't make any difference.
My friends do not offer any support either. I think they are all too busy being jealous about me having a great job AND following my dreams with horses. Seriously; get of your ass, stop complaining and accept that everything isn't another persons fault. It isn't the teacher, it isn't the computer, it's YOU. So get over it and move on, and stop holding a grudge against me for being brave and actually doing something with my life.
Mathias is supporting to the best of his abilities, but he is limited both by his allergy and his interest.
This means that I have to struggle a bit extra with everything. And it's hard sometimes. Like now, when I'm suffering from baaad PMS and stress, making me unmotivated, tired and short-tempered.
I bought these great storage boxes in sturdy plastic today, in order to protect my blankets from the rats in the stable attic. They hold 55 liters and can be found at Clas Ohlsson for the amazing price of 2 for 129 SEK.
For those of you who are Swedish, this article about the Henneke horse body condition scoring system. This is always important of course, but maybe even more so now that summer is coming.
You can fins the article here.
I have always taken really good care of my nails. They have always been long (natural, no fucking fake nails looking like a hooker) and well polished.
That's just not possible to maintain when you have a horse... So now, my nails are short and break al the time. So I decided to test the new LED dried Gel technique. Mathias bought me a startkit yesterday, but it didn't contain any actual polish.. so I will need to get one before I can try.
On Saturday evening me and Mathias went out to celebrate our 2 year anniversary a bit more by having dinner at one of the new and very hip restaurants by the water. It was so nice, we could really enjoy good food, but most of all each others company.
I had the smoked duck with a seafood terrine. Mathis ate the lobster soup with Parmesan chips.
We both ate a steak, with 5 different sauces and grilled vegetable and mushrooms.
Mathias had a white chocolate gino and I ate a chocolate tart.
Yesterday me and Vasara had a great training! She is really back to her usual self after the injury. I was so happy I was almost laughing afterward, we both worked so well together. Real shame that the camera didn't catch any of it.
When we got back to the stable Jeanette said that she has watched and that it had looked very good. When I told my trainer Åsa about that she was stoked, because Jeanette is very restricted about giving praise.
I tried out my bullet camera yesterday. We had attached the helmet mount on Mathias riding helmet, as it is not meant to be removed. And so I wore his helmet while riding yesterday and filmed as much as the memory card could take. I was very excited to see the film when I got home, and so was Mathias.
Unfortunately, my fear came true; you could only see Vasaras ears. It was only possible to place the helmet mount on one place on the helmet, where the surface was smooth. The rest was filled with air intakes and stuff. And this area was on top of the helmet, meaning that when we aimed it downwards, we were very limited by the helmet blocking the view.
So - change of plan. I will use the helmet to film from the fence (tried yesterday and it worked nicely) and to film when riding I will buy a chest harness.
Happy to report though that the quality was very nice!
My plan was to bring the bullet camera to the stable and film me and Mathias yesterday. That plan failed because we had both fortgotten to charge the battery....
So, I figured; hey, I'll do it today instead. And what happens? I forget my stable shoes at home (everything was home for washing) and find myself standing in the stable wearing flats....No riding, needless to say.
Last night when I got home from the stable I got to open my anniversary present. It was a GoPro camera, but from another brand. I was sooo happy, this is something I've been planning to buy for ages! Now I will finally be able to film when riding, with the camera on my helmet. Or my training, attaching the camera to the fence. Or taking awesome pics.
All in 720p.
I will beak it in today, when we're riding together.
I stated to look for a jumping saddle yesterday. As I already know which saddle will have the best shot of fitting, it's gonna be harder to find one. On all the second hand sites and all stores selling second hand saddles, there was only one singe saddle of my kind, and it costed 14.000, which is absolutely a fair price for that saddle which had only been used sparsely.
So, if anyone out there has an Albion Kontrol MW, 17"-18", which is in good condition and want to sell it for about 6-7 thousand.... Please shout out loud!
Today is a big day. Me and Mathias have been together for 2 years.
These two years have by far been the best of my life. I could never have believed that I would meet someone I could love so much, that would complete me so fully. I am so grateful for every second I get to be with him, and there is not a singe doubt in my mind that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.
As poor Jolie has been injured and will spend several weeks in her stall, not allowed to go out, Vasara has taken over her pasture. This is good news as it is by far the best one, with shadow, lots of grass and it's big. However most horses don't like it since it's a bit outside of the floc. But Vasaras current pasture is in some ways even more outside than this one so I think she will be fine. Otherwise we'll move her back.
Vasara was looking like a New York hobo in her mane, and has been for the past three weeks, so yesterday I did what had to be done: some hairdressing.
She really didn't like me using the pulling comb so I desperately realized that I would have to use the scissors..... Every idiot knows that's a horrible thing to do. But I had no choice. So I spent 20 minutes trying to get the mane look like it had been pulled, and I actually do thing that I did ok. She really didn't like me cutting the mane either, so it was very, very difficult and when you look closely there are some misses to be found. But overall - success!
This months pay will hold a surprise for me: compensation for the vacations days which I did not use during my time as a consultant, before Kwintet took me over.
I thought the sum of this money would be like 1000-1500 SEK, but Mathias laughed at me and said that it would be more like 6000-9000......... I'm still not sure I believe him and I will wait until I get the salary specification before I scream and shout in joy.
However, if he is correct, I can start to look for a jumping saddle (we tried out an Albion Kontrol). Or, I can save the money and wait for one more month to buy the saddle, and hence have a safer savings account.
I only know one thing: I want my joking saddle noooow!
So the 2nd of June our stable will host a pay and jump competition. Unfortunately, me and Vasara will not be able to participate. Her injury has made it impossible for us to prepare, and I don't want to put her mending hoof through a whole jumping course yet.
Plus; we would need to borrow Karolines jumping saddle, and since she is riding three horses in 6 rounds, that's gonna be quite impossible ^^. So, as she is my trainer, we decided that I will help her by warming up her horses instead so that her day can work as smoothly as possible.
Since Vasaras injury forced her to rest for 8 days, she has been very eager to get moving again. Yesterday was the fifth ride since I started her up again, and finally we could do a real workout. She was so smooth and sensitive, but her engine was sure running :)
I think I have finally found where to host my own domain, and have the change to buy enough storage. I will not celebrate yet as this will need careful looking into, but I cant deny that I am dancing a little bit...
This evening was spent at ikea where we bought a new office chair for me (by order of all; me, my boss, my colleagues and my physical therapist) I also took the chance to buy some cheap towels for the stable and some frames for me and Tomas to put our certificates in and brag a bit.
My sweet Vasara is a lot better and on Friday I actually rode a bit bareback on her. On Saturday I put on the saddle and started to trot a bit. And today I actually rode for 45 minutes. The wound is getting better and better and I don't even use bandage any more. Oh my sweet baby get well soon!
I've just finished the latest nancy drew game; ghost of Thornton hall.
If you don't want spoilers or anything, don't read on.
I am really disappointed on this game. It felt very incomplete and hastily made. The awesome puzzles which are typical for the nancy drew games were missing; they were very easy and relied more on core mathematical skills than a mixture of logic. These games are always filled with a great story, and so was this. However; it was incomplete and left questions unanswered and most importantly the game ended without clearing up on the core story point of the game: the ghost. Nancy drew never ever end without clearing up the real story behind hauntings etc. it's always a trick becuase the supernatural does not exist. This game left the ghost story unexplored and unexplained.
This game was furthermore sold as 'the scariest nancy game yet'. This was very untrue as even I, who is the worst coward gamer ever, was not at all scared. Lame animations and overuse of then is not scary.
So, to sun it up: unfinished game (I even found two severe bugs!!) unfinished story, oversold content, over-easy and boring puzzles, and not nearly enough game time.
I am quite pissed that I payed a lot of money for this game.
Moving my blog to blog.com has been the worst mistake ever. I can never access my blog or dashboard due to their server issues, and now I can't even add images to my posts. So pics will hopefully come later... Hopefully.
I need to get my domain soon. Or pay for extra storage on blogger.
Blog.com - you're pathetic and I will tell everyone I meet about it.
I'm so looking forward to tonight; Mathias will pick up my cat, Nalle, who is living with my mom. He will stay with us for a few days while mom is in Norway. I've missed him so much and I think I will do nothing but hugging him all the time. He is getting very old so I'm afraid we won't have that much time left.
So the training is done, and I'm on my way home. I'm very tired because I haven't been able to sleep well at all, on none of the three nights. Once I finally arrived in Epinal I ran down to the department store claude had told me about. On my way there, I ran past a shoe store where I skidded to a stop and picked up a nice pair of stilettos. Then I ran some more and came across a beauty store where I bought some biotherm products before I ran the last meters and arrived at monoprix. It was NOT like Åhléns like Claude has said, this was horrible. It was like a mixture of what the Swedish store Lindex was a few years ago and a corner shop. Panicked, I began digging thought the limited clothes area and managed to find a dress, the only decent thin in the whole store, a pack of panties, sweat pants, a tee, toothbrush and toothpaste. I rushed out of the store, trying to go back to the beauty store to get some make up, but they had closed. And so had the rest of town. So, back to monoprix which was open another 30 minutes. I got some make up and then I started to go back to the train station where my hotel would be. My hands were sore after carrying my crazy heavy work computer and handbag and shopping. When I finally arrived at the hotel I was more than spent. Traveling 22 hours and then shopping in panic was a bit much. I ordered some food up to my room, and collapsed.
Tuesday was the first day of the training. I slept lousily and I don't know why. I met my favorite colleague Thomas for breakfast and entertained him with my crazy past day. Then we were picked up by Alain who drove us to the office where I got settled and waited for my participants. The day passed very quickly and successfully. I really enjoy meeting colleagues in other countries and it's so much fun holding this training. In the evening me and Thomas headed down town again (400 meters from the hotel) and I started to look for some clothes to wear on Wednesday. It was even harder today. All shops were really strange Asian shops or for old ladies. No high end brand anywhere (I was told they were all found outside of the cite center) and I had a really rough job finding a suitable outfit. Seriously, try meeting hot French colleagues for the first time, representing the whole commercial it department, and not having your luggage..... But I managed to find an ok outfit. I bought a pair of jeans, a top and a blazer. Then we headed to the main square and had a lovely dinner with a bottle of wine in the setting sun. It was magic. When we got back to the hotel Thomas gave me a bottle of wine (internal joke) and then we both crashed; it turned out he hadn't slept at all either.
On Wednesday morning I had to eat breakfast alone as Thomas had headed back to Denmark at five in the morning. Once again I didnt sleep well, and once again I was picked up and given a lift to the office, where I conducted the second day of the course and the exam. It was very fun but due to my lack of sleep I was a bit relieved when it was all finished. I spent the evening down town, taking some pics and buying some more clothes to go home in. I also had to buy a new bag of course in order to get everything home with me. Then I ate some dinner at the hotel restaurant and go to be early. However, I spent a few hours twisting and turning an was one more unable to sleep.
So, I'm now sitting at the Luxembourg airport waiting for the plane which will take me to Zürich. I'm dead tired and can't wait to come home. I miss Mathias and Vasara like crazy! And my bed.....
Franch trains are placed two in a row per platform. And there is no information which train is going to which destination.... I got on the wrong one, together with lots of French people who were talking to me and when I answered in English they just turned away without another glance. But all seemed unsure, and finally one girl came and said "Epinal? No." And so the train emptied and I followed. With minutes to spare I change trains and I should be on the right one now. I think.
My luggage is lost. Yep. I have nothing but the clothes on my back. And to top it of, all course material was in the bag also. I have to look great tomorrow and Wednesday as I'm representing the whole commercial IT department and meeting these colleagues for the first time. After panicking a while I called Tomas and asked what to do according to company policy. He told me that I am insured against this and gave me a number to call. So I called, and it turns out that I have the right to shop for 6000 SEK for clothes and hygiene products. And if my luggage is lost more than 24 hours, I get another 6000. Of course my spendings have to be reasonable and motivated in order to be valid, so I cannot go on a crazy shopping spree. So once this was settled, the next problem occurred. I'm going to Epinal, on a veeery tight time schedule. There is no chance to shop anywhere but there due to this schedule, and Epinal is a very small city out in the French country side. What on earth will be open at half past six when the train arrives? So I called Mathias, who works with a Frenchmen and gave them the task of finding a solution (if any) since I cannot access the Internet on this train. And they did solve it! There is a department store 250 meters from the hotel/train station which will be open until half past seven, which gives me about 40 minutes to shop. God I will sleep tight tonight.
On saturday evening I found out that our sailboat had been put up for sale. Mathias has forgotten to tell me... (Seriously....) then, yesterday, less than 24 hours later, I am informed that it has been sold. Our sailboat is sold...! This means that we will now be starting to look at new, bigger and better boats immediately. The reason it was sold is because we want a bigger, more luxurious and comfortable boat. KittyK was bought in order to be able to both sail racing and vacationing, but of course this means that the boat is designed to be fast, not comfortable. So, as Mathias is older and wiser ;) it is time for a change. We still want to be able to race with it but the focus should be comfort. So exciting to see what we find! Hopefully well get it soon as we plan to sail for a week during our vacation. But dear god I will miss KittyK, I love that boat and I am famous for my attachment to things, which for me all has a soul.
On Sunday I spent the whole day with Jessica. We had a 'girls' marathon for 7 hours which allowed us to see 14 out of 20 episodes. Omg. The show was just as good as everyone says, really amazing! The characters are unusually complex, there are no clearly good/bad persons, the humor is great, the drama is great..... And with a marathon comes lots of goodies to snack and eat on.
Yesterday was Mathias 26th birthday! I baked a mint chocolate cake the night before and in the morning woke him up singing and served it to him in bed.
As a present I gave him a bike, which he's been wanting for quite some time. So now he can take the bike to work, we can go by bike to the boat, and into central Stockholm, going on little picnic trips together..... It's going be great!
The bonus edition of the latest, steamingly fresh, nancy drew game is on it way home by download.... I have been waiting for this game for 6 months and I am soooo excited! And a bit scared already, as this and is supposed to be the scaries game so far....
Nancy drew game #28 - ghost of Thornton hall. May there be many more!
Yesterday Marre asked me if I wanted to be in a photo shoot together with Mathias and Vasara. The picture will be for one of her applications for a photo school. Of course I said yes yes yes yes! I LOVE these things!
Next week I'm going to France to work. So far this year my work has taken me to Finland, Denmark and Germany. And now it's France's turn. I'll leave Sweden on Monday and return on Thursday. Marre will take care of Vasara as usual, (thank you!) and then suddenly half of May us gone.
So, maybe it would have been a lot better to stay on blogger and pay for extra space, because blog.com is the worst crap I've ever experienced when it comes to server reliability. It's ALWAYS down. Hence I haven't been able to blog for several days.
Way to go guys.... And you try to sell domains? Hahahah!
Me and Vasara was out adventuring yesterday. We did some climbing on the mountain, rode up to the highest peak where there is a picnic spot, investigated forest trails.... It was great. Then on our way home, on the fixed road, it happened. She stepped on a stone, a very sharp one, and it punctured her frog cleft and made a 6 cm crack between her heel bulbs.... Blood was pouring. When we got home I investigated it and then called the vet. Luckily she lives on the farm next door so it takes about 5-10 minutes for her to get to the stable. She looked a at and basically said "this can start to mend tomorrow or you'll have problems for several month with medication, we can only wait and see". So we eased I carefully, she was sore, and bandaged her hoof.
Wednesday 8th of May
After worrying all day, I went out to the stable. The bandage was still there, which was very surprising, normally it's almost impossible to make hoof bandages sit longer than a few hours. She was limping a bit but not at all bad which felt really good to see. I walked her a bit in the paddock just so that she could move a bit and I could see her move. Then I removed the bandage and checked the wound. I was really happy to see that it had healed quite a bit an the soreness was gone from the frog but still apparent on the heel bulbs. So I washed it again, drenched some compresses with Jodopax and put on the wound and put on a new bandage.
An accident on the busiest highway in Sweden hat happened early this morning, making the traffic stand absolutely STILL. After 40 minutes on the bus we had rolled 400 meters. Seriously.
This means that I will miss our nice breakfast at work where we are celebrating a colleague and I will be late for an extremely important meeting. Neither will I be there to welcome our new employee, who will be my closest coworker.
I am in desperate need of going to the hairdresser. But the dilemma is this: I love my hairdresser whom I've been going to for 5 years, but she charges 1700 for each visit. So, do I try someone else and risk ruining everything? Or so I scramble that amount of money and go to Lisa?
In a clothing store, two girls are looking at some hanky pankys. They are both of normal size. But one of these girls are so incredibly full of herself and says "these panties are one size... I'm worried that they are too big for me" seriously? How pathetic can you get? If the super anorexic models can wear these panties, do you seriously believe that they will be too big for you...? And what should her friend reply "no you are fat enough" or lie and say "oh yes you are sooo skinny lalalalla"
Something happens when your getting close to 26. I just saw some old pics of myself, and dammit, I'm getting old.
And I don't like it.
Hopefully I think it's worse than it actually is due to my lack of time which means that I don't even brush my hair for several days at a time, never ever wear make up anymore, only wear sweat pants at home and comfy clothes for work, etc. I just value Vasara and my time in the stable so much higher than make up and appearance. And I must say, god I'm grateful for this. It certainly is more meaningful and I can feel sorry for those who hasn't got anything but themselves and their looks in their life.
So, in conclution: I don't want to get old but I'm glad I am aging with meaning in my life.
I'm really beginning to go for it together with Vasara. We have two trainings every week now, one in dressage and one in show jumping. I hope to be able to increase this to thee very soon, but it all depends on my economic situation. I am very fortunate, right now the trainings are only costing me 1500 a month since Karoline only charges me 50 SEK due to her lack of official instructor education.
We are ailing towards the fall season competitions, and I'm saving up towards a good jumping saddle.
I really love my horse and we are such a great match (which was one of the reasons I bought her, obviously!) and I really believe we can have lots of fun out on competitions. And to go there to do anything else but have fun, 2 trainings a week are needed!
I have my goal, I have the tools, and dammit, I will reach them!
Today I went to the stable really early and worked very quickly so that I could be at Hufvudsta at 10:45 to visit Jessica and everyone else and watch them ride. It was so nice to say hello to all my favorite horses (Lutnia!). However I was a bit chocked to see the level of riding skills, no one has improved and everyone is still struggling a loooot to ride the horses in a correct working form.
Today's a really bad day. I'm not sure why though... Work has been fine, Mathias is fine, I'm not sick anymore... Everything's fine. I'm just having a really bad day which makes me want to scream and shout and cry and if I could magically remove all other people in the world that would be great because I just want to be alone!!! I don't even want to go to the stable, I just want to hide beneath a blanket and come out tomorrow maybe.
Yesterday me and Vasara attended our first training in show jumping. We trained for Karoline Goldberg and it was so much fun!! She had both me and Vasara working hard by focusing on technical exercises.
We did 4 main exercises which we then combined into different courses. 1 - the circle. 3 cavalettis on the ground in a small circle. Working with inner rein and outer leg to position the horse correctly and remain in control on the outer side. We started walking with the outer rein hanging completely loose, inner rein 45 degrees out. Without the outer rein all I have is my outer leg to push with in order to keep the small circle. Then in trot. Then standing 2 two steps sitting one.
When Vasara was calm and flexed in her sides we moved on to 2 - the cross. Jumping a cross on the short side of the paddock, alternating clockwise/country clockwise. This exercises had me using the outer leg pressing technique from the circle exercise.
3 - the combination. We had a combination with 5-6 strides between the obstacles. We started out by simply jumping it to get a feel for Vasaras strides, then we started to control the speed and the amount of strides between the obstacles.
After this we had to stop in between the two obstacles, which is straight away after landing from the first.
4. The oxer. There was one very small oxer, maybe 65 high and 40 wide, with cavalettis in front and after. This was the true challenge as Vasara is a jumping horse and this was the most fun obstacle on the course. Even if it was tiny and small and peanuts really, she was so happy to see it that I had to work very hard to remain in control. But we sure did it after two or three times!
After these exercises we combined all of this into two different courses. It went really good and it was great fun! I will ride my next jumping lesson next week, probably on Thursday.
Today is Vasaras resting day, which I think she really needs after yesterday, she was so tired when we were finished.
On my way to Anna where the two of us and Marre will do some knitting and crocheting! Today is supposed to be the day when I learn to crochet, but... I highly doubt my skills so we'll have to see how it goes. ^^ at least I will have two experts as my teachers!