2017 New Years resolution

Last years resolution was to run the race Tjejmilen. 10 kilometers.

Due to my sick leave, this was a fail, I only managed a 5 kilometer race. 

This year, I will do something different for my resolution. It will not be an achivement, but a promise to my soul who's had enough suffering: 


I promise to do my very best this year to stress less and focus more on things that brings me energy and happiness. 

2016 - Listed

Song of 2016: Christina Perri - A Thousand Years


Best tv-show 2016: WestWorld


WIN 2016:  Kicking ass at the JAVA course

FAIL 2016: Sickleave due to being burnt out at work and school


Best thing that happened 2016: Meeting such wonderful new people; Dave, Cassie and Elli. 


Wish I did more 2016: Yoga


Countries I visited 2016: Norway, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Italy


Best trip 2016: Roadtrip with Vanja to Italy.


Carreer 2016: Nothing to report.



Best purchase of 2016: A rice cooker. Yes, seriously. 


Fawlty towers of the year: Thai boat. Worst. service. ever. 

Word 2016

Just go with the flow. 


bra fiskat
                             men fisken slet sig

2016, I salute you!

And thus yet another year has passed. 

This year in particular seems very strange and uncoherent time-wise for me. I simply cannot recall much of the year, and parts of it has passed in slow motion and other parts in fast forward. I am left with a feeling where I cant really place anything on a timeline or a feeling of 'this was 2016'.

Hopefully this salutation will help me gather my thoughts. Written, with the extreme help from my calendar and photo albums.  

January was spent in a stage of 'everyday life'. I was working, spending time with Viktor in my spare time and doing the Java course in the evenings.


The same pace went on through February. This might seem like a dull pace of life, but me re-doing my old java-course required so much time from me after my day at the office, that there was little time left for anything else. 


In March the pace really picked up. The old java course was finsihed by me, and the real new course began at full speed, taking approx 4 hours of my time every day when I came home from a full day at the office. 
Despite this, I went on a weekend trip to Rome with Viktor and to the Gothenburg Horse Show to see the world cup final in show jumping and spend some time with the one and only Syster.


Basically all my time in April was spent panicking from exhaustion and trying to cope with the pressure at work and the java course. 
The little spare time I had, I spent at the doctors office doing an investigation as to why I had chest pains, panic attacs, memory loss and narcolepsy-like collapses at my desk. At the end of the month, I was sent home on sick leave due to being burnt out. 


I have no memory of May.
I can tell from my calendar and from asking friends that I have been completely collapsed the whole month, my brain trying to recover. 


Almost all of June was spent on a roadtrip with Vanja. This trip was an important step in my rehabilitation as I got a change of scenery, plenty of rest in a chair on the beach (slept around 5 hours in the chair every day) and some sun and air. 


July held 2 major changes to my life. on the 4th of July, Sven took me to the petstory to help me take the step of finally getting my two rats. And the day after, on the 5th, I had my first date with Dave. I dont know what to say here, other than these things were true blessings and gave me a family again. Words aren't enough for these few sentenses to cover what this meant to me. Let's just say it gave me my life back, and I am forever grateful. 


I started working again slowly in August. Spending blissful time with Dave and the girls in my free time. We went on a weekend trip to Öland.



September held a birthday trip to Budapest together with Marre, Dave and Rhys. I was now 29 and my last year before 30 had begun [play doom music here]. I started working full time again, and found myself at a red hot chili peppers concert. 



In October Dave moved in, and we became even more of a family. The most important thing I did outside that was being a guest at a family-night at Mando, talking to the families of current patients and giving them hope for the future. 


November passed in an everyday pace, that is, until the miracle of Annas baby came to the world and stole all our hearts. 


The Christmas trip in December went to Tromsö, where me and Dave got to see the norhern lights. I had my best Christmas in many years as me and Dave went to my moms place and spent the day with her.

So; 

Good points this year:
Meeting Dave.
Getting the girls.
Being on sickleave so I could find a healthier way of coping with work.

Bad points this year:
Working so hard at work and privately that I had to go on sickleave.
Not remembering much of the year due the brain exhaustion.


= a year I am very confused about. 

Tromsø day 5 - 22nd December

So relieved and happy from the good luck with the lights in the night, it was time to head home, mission accomplished.

One more thing crossed of the 30 before 30 list!


Tromsø day 4 - 21st December


What an amazing day!

We spent the day on the "blue day tour" which took us on a roundtrip to many beautiful places, including one spot where we got to see 8 orcas and 2 humpback whales.

On our way back, everyone was talking about how perfect the conditions were for spotting northern lights the coming night. After some contemplating we took a leap of faith - we asked our guide if he could fit us into their northern lights tour. 

The evening, we waited nervously outside a hotel, not knowing if we had a spot on a tour or not. Unfortunately the tour we wanted turned out to be packed, but the very nice man called around until he found two spots in a small car going out at the same time.

And dear Lord were we lucky... We got to see amazing northern lights even before midnight, in a G4 solar storm. This was northern lights as we'd dreamt of. 








Tromsø day 3 - 20th December


Sleeping late from the previous nights hunt, we woke up around lunch and decided to make a second stop at Egon. 

Then we took on our walking shoes and headed all the way to the science center and observatory. 

After we'd played around with all their inventions we saw their northern lights movie at the planaterium. We wanted to see some real northern lights in a movie in case we wouldn't see more before going home. 

On our way home we had dinner at Fisk Kompaniet, an amazing fish restaurant.

Then we headed back home and slept again, completely trashed from the night before. We're definitely not 18 anymore.




Tromsø day 2 - 19th December


Eagerly awaiting the evenings northern lights chase, we spent the day exploring the town. 

We visited the Tromsö museum where we learned about the history of the Tromsö region and Amundsens northern pole expedition.

Then we walked across the bridge to the other side of Tromsö to see the Arctic cathedral. The walk across the long bridge was a bit scary for both of us as the wind was so strong that the while bridge was shaking beneath our feet and we had trouble walking straight from the side winds. 

We then sat down for a late lunch/early dinner to load our stomachs before the trip of the evening.

At 18, we were loaded onto the busses heading for the elusive northern lights. We were unlucky as rain was pouring down and the sky was cloudy, and the busses took us all the way to the Finnish border in search for clear skies. We managed to see a slight stream of light, but not what we were hoping for, so while I was grateful that we had at least managed to see something, it was not what we wanted.








Tromsø day 1 - 18th December


Waking up at 5, which is an ungodly hour even for me.
But; two persons on a mission such as ours, have no time to complain about early mornings!

Most of the day were spent travelling, we had a direct flight from Stockholm to Tromsö, and arrived at the hotel around 15.

At this time, it was already pitch black. We had been joking before hand that we would only have daylight between 10 and 14, but we had no idea how wrong we were. The term daylight wouldn't be spoken at all during our trip.

We ate at Egon, a really cozy and homely place that we really liked. I ate the fish soup, as I always do when it's on the menu.

Then we took a shorter walk exploring the city, which was very small but nice. We spent 1,5 hours in the tourist office which seemed to have 100% of the town's tourists crammed into it. At least we came out with a trip booked for the next night - a night tour to hunt for the northern lights.

Then we had to take a nap as we are not 18 anymore, before we ended the day with a walk to end of Tromsö, which we severely underestimated the distance of, and ended up walking for 2,5 hours.

Benke Rydmans Nötknäpparen

After 3 months of waiting, it was FINALLY time to go see Nötknäpparen. A-mazing, although not as good as Svansjön. 

Best part of the evening was that I get to be with my 2 best friends and Dave at the same time!







4 years at FKG

When celebrating 4 years at Fristads Kansas, I selected to get a Haribo ice cream with jelly bears in it - one bear for each year. 


HTC Vive VR

O-M-F-G.
I need it. Now.
Like, yesterday.
I can't even describe how utterly incomparable to anything else this experience was.
I think I might have to skip the Christmas trip and buy this instead.



Wienercaféet with dave and snow

Dave's sisters friend Snow is in town and we had such a nice time with her, taking a little tour around the center of Stockholm and have brunch at Wienercaféet. 3 eggs Benedict and 1 cinnamon bun!



Far and away

When I turned 29 Ellinor gave me an amazing gift; to go and see far and away with her at Berwaldhallen!
It was absolutely magical, music from Harry Potter, lord of the rings, game of thrones....
I didn't want to leave.
And to top it of, she brought a chocolate and raspberry mini-cake for me. I was beyond happy!






Coco


Riding vacation trip?

I have found a very nice looking riding trip I think I'd like to take during this fall. Week 44 the kids will have the fall break from school and many if my colleagues will be on vacation, so I'm thinking this would be a good time to go.

I have found a weekend in Sweden that sounded perfect, nature, horses and massage, and the price was very much ok. I initially wanted to go to Wales or Ireland, but these trips were just ridiculous in price as I also had to fly to get there.

Will check more into this.

Back to yoga

Kroppsverkstan texted me earlier this week that my yoga card would expire this weekend, and I still had 6 unused classes on it. However, if I were to buy 10 new they would let me keep them. This was great timing as I've been thinking about starting yoga again now that I am feeling better.

And, now Dave might join me in order to get more flexible before the Viking competition. Yey!

So, today after work, we'll go to kroppsverkstan and buy some yoga classes and then we're all set!

Trying to help, to give hope

On the 12th of October I'll be talking to relatives of patients currently attending Mando.

I will be talking about my time at the clinic, and how I found my way back to health.

I am so happy for the patients who have these people who care for them and support them. I want to give them hope that there is a very real way to getting healthy, and that their support means the world, even though they may not experience that right now.

I am so grateful that I was asked to attend this meeting, and honoured.

I will do my best to give hope.

Sy-Ulla

På tunnelbanan. Damen med slående vitt hår, runt ansikte och sådär lite tant-tjock som en typisk 50plusare. Något med hennes fluffiga page gjorde att mina tankar efter 0,5 sekunder hamnade på Ulla. Och ett stick i magen av nostalgi och saknad.

Jag tänker på Ulla till och från. Kanske beror det idag på att jag har pms, kanske något annat.

Jag minns alla de otaliga timmar jag spenderade med Ulla, Sy-Ulla. När mamma var i stallet. Hur hon nästan var mer min mormor än min riktiga mormor.

Jag minns hur hon gav mig knappar från de många knapprören hon hade på väggen ovanför symaskinerna. Jag vet inte vad som hände med den stora mängd knappar kah måste ha ackumulerat, men jag kan tänka mig att mamma gav tillbaka dem till Ulla, i smyg. I vilket fall märkte jag aldrig hit knapparna försvann. Kanske var jag mer intresserad av glädjen jag kände när jag fick välja dem.

Jag minns den höga stolen vid tygbordet som jag redan då var lång nog att kunna klättra upp på.

Jag minns när jag som gymnasieelev, utförande mitt projektarbete att sy en klädkollektion, återvände till Ulla för hjälp. Hur vi på luncherna satte oss ned tillsammans med en av hennes vänner och spådde i tarotkort. Hur Ulla på något sätt visste saker.

Jag minns när mamma berättade hur Ulla kommit ut till huset i Malsta. Hur hon sett det jag alltid vetat fanns i huset.

Jag minns att Ulla skickade kort på min födelsedag varje år, oavsett hur länge sedan vi setts.

Jag minns när mamma ringde och berättade att Ulla dött.

Jag önskar jag insett tidigare hur mycket Ulla betytt.

Birthday breakfast @ the office

It's a strange coincidence when 4 colleagues out of a total of 8 have their birthdays in September. 
This has to be celebrated of course! Breakfast and cake = very good Friday!



And as tradition bids, Tomas present was a candy package. I loooove them!



Turning 29

This year, I was fortunate to have an absolutely perfect birthday, I couldn't have asked for more. 

In the morning, I got my favorite cake, prinsesstårta, for breakfast in bed, together with gift opening. And I just happened to get 2 PERFECT gifts from Dave; A Daniel Wellington watch  and a 3D build-it-yourself crocodile!



Of course the watch followed me all day.


The first stop of the day was a huge defining point in my life; my last ever visit to Mando. The 60-month visit, marking 60 months since I went into remission, and the last follow-up visit to the clinic. And I passed with flying colors, received hugs and flowers, and experienced a weird euphoria and pride I've rarely felt. 


After work, the day ended with a visit the the resturant Thai Boat for dinner. 


I couldnt have been happier with my day, this is what a real birthday should be. 

Mando

I don't know how to write this, as I cannot describe what I feel. It's a mishmash of pride, relieve, happiness, euphoria, disbelief....

I have just passed my five year check up at Mando. I am declared healthy and permitted from the clinic. 9 years I've worked for this, every waking moment of every day.

11th of September 2007 I first came through the door of Mando. I had finally hit bottom and realized I needed help, sent in an application and was called straight in to an evaluation.
I was so afraid that they would say "why are you wanting our time, you're not sick, move over so someone who needs help can get help". 1 week later I was admitted to the clinic full time. Apparently I was sick enough to go the emergence route into treatment, passed several thousands of persons who wanted and needed a spot, who had waited years for it. Apparently, I was very, very sick.

Now it's almost 9 years to the day. I am walking out the doors of the place that saved my life.

How on earth can I ever tell them, and myself, thank you?

Budapest day 3

Sunday, and time do dive 50 meters below the streets of Budapest as we went caving! An amazing adventure where we had to 100% crawl, squeeze, slide and climb our way though a huge cave system.





It was time for Marre and Rhys to head back home after our caving day, so me and Dave headed to what was easily the scariest thing for many years for me - The old prison cell labyrint of Buda castle with NO light on but a hand-held oil lantern...



We also saw the church before taking the bus home, ending 3 adventurous days in a city we'd both love to go back to, soon!